I'm sitting in the JFK airport awaiting my flight back to Phoenix; the final transition back from Uganda. I've been back for 2 1/2 weeks now and seem to be adjusting well so far. It's unbelievable how fast a year goes! I was just in this airport, saying bye to my family getting ready to go into the "unknown world of Uganda". I'll say this... I miss it. a lot.

With all the traveling and adjusting I was never able to share about my final goodbyes in the Samuel Family. I was so encouraged.
If you've been following my blogs throughout, you would know that this past year was not so easy regarding my time in the family group. Some of the girls really challenged me, resisted me and closed their hearts towards me. Of course we all want to see the fruit of our labors but I was ready to leave Uganda having to simply trust; trust that my labor in the Lord was not in vain. The Lord was using my love and discipline for these girls in ways unknown to me. But God is so good, that's all I can say.

The family had me over for one last meal together. They all worked hard to prepare a traditional Ugandan meal. We had a time of eating, games, singing and then appreciation. The floor was open for the children to share with me what they appreciated about me. One girl in particular has quite a past. She still has a lot to work through and a lot to surrender to the Lord but for the first time this night I was able to see a glimpse of what God is doing in her. As she took time to share with me she thanked me for going to Uncle when I was having issues with them. She THANKED me that they were spanked by Uncle because of it. At first she didn't understand why I did that but she said, "now I understand that I need that in my life". I could not believe my ears. She was begining to see her need for loving discipline and boundaries...my main focus of the year! God spoke to me through that moment, I felt like He was saying to me, "Allison, see. I AM working on their hearts. I am using your efforts for My glory. Seeds were planted and I will continue to water them". This may seem like a small thing to you reading but this was huge. This was the first time all year that I saw any effect the Lord's work had on these girls.

As we were closing the night the power went out; it couldn't have been more perfect. With no electricty on for miles, the moon can give off a great deal of natural light (this was one of my favorite things about Ugandan nights). I was drinking in the moment; being in the family, surrounded by the children's laughter and singing, sitting in their banda (round house)feeling strongly connected to them. We've struggled together. We've laughed together. We've served together. We are a family. I was overwhelmed by that feeling. I kept thinking, "why me God? Why would you choose me to be a vessel of your love to these children?" God's presence began to fill me in the dining room as I humbly thanked Him for even allowing ME to have a part in the children's lives. I felt so unworthy yet God let's His children in on His work, I love that!

As the family gathered around me to pray a blessing over my life, the girl from before reached out and took hold of my hand, holding it tightly throughout the prayer. I couldn't believe it. I saw something in her that night - a small part of her heart opening up, being vulnerable with me.

There were many other notes given to me by the other children expressing feelings I didn't know existed and many tearful hugs goodbye. Knowing I was leaving, it seemed easier for them to give love to me and receive my love. We shared life together and it was not easy saying bye.

Mud Kitchen

I’ve just come home, exhausted from a day working outside in the hot African sun. Yet my heart rejoices because of the gift Samuel Family and I were able to give to someone in need.

Today we finished building the kitchen for the jaja in the village. We started two weeks ago when Holly was here and spent all day today finishing it. What was so cool about the whole building was that every part of it was built using what could be found right outside; no quick run to Home Depot or Lowes was necessary for this project. Wait, I lied…we did get some iron sheets for the roof so it would last longer than a grass roof!

Tree trunks were used for the supporting beams and reeds were tied across the tree trunks to hold the mud. Several trips back and forth to the boar hole were needed so we could make mud from the dirt. The kids loved getting their feet in the mud, squishing it between their toes to get it ready for use.

Both days, jaja prepared food for us as a thank you for our work. It's not uncommon to be fed when you're out in the village. I know she wanted to honor us by giving us a meal but with each bite, as I lifted the fork I needed to say a prayer after seeing the way it was prepared! I'm still standing... God is good!

It was a great project for The Family and I to do together and I pray God would use this experience to touch each of their lives.

Hollison Reunited

Hollison (“Holly and Allison” for those of you who don’t know) has been back in full force the past two weeks. The inseparable friends. Holly came all the way out to Uganda to enter my world, experiencing the African life with me. I’m so thankful to have her here to understand me better.

The first few days of her arrival, conversation and verbal processing was non-stop (unless she was sleeping due to jet lag). For friends having lived at arms length for 7 years, a year apart lends to major life catch-ups. She was able to be part of our foreign staff retreat held in Jinja. It was a great time for me to introduce her to all the western staff. We put her to work as she did childcare for the families during our morning sessions. After spending 5 days in Jinja, I brought Holly back to my place in Kasana. I’ve been able to show her around, introduce her to my New Hope Family and have even more time to catch up. It’s been great having her because I get to see Uganda with fresh eyes. Things that have become commonplace for me can be overwhelming to her at times.

For example

I’m used to coexisting with the horribly tenacious bugs, and the super-sized ants, moths, snails, bees, caterpillars, etc. don’t surprise me anymore (Mario Brothers 3, Level 4: “Giant World” = my life). This, however, is not the case for Holly, who is already not a “bug person” if you will.

I’ve come to understand Malaria as the African common cold whereas Holly still feels the paranoia after every mosquito bite.

Seeing loads of neglected, shoeless children with visible disease, tattered clothes, covered in dirt and carrying out adult tasks has become part of my normal day-to-day; whereas Holly is in a constant state of disbelief and frustration. Don’t get me wrong, these things still sadden me, but I’ve been forced to make it my “normal”.

Another normal part of my daily life is to see wild piglets and cows with gigantic horns…Holly thinks this is hilarious. 

I’m used to constant “off-roading” due to dirt roads riddled with giant potholes, forcing the driver to swerve and dip all over the place. Roads are a free-for-all. No dividing lines, every man for himself! Holly clutches her barf bag, eyes alert, and frequently wide with fear at the frequent games of “chicken” on narrow roads.

I’m prepared to wait 45 minutes for something that should only take 5 (not that I enjoy it), as Holly comes up with all the ways things might be done more efficiently (after misplacing our room key on the retreat, the desk worker spent 30 minutes slowly sorting through a random basket of 500 keys to find the spare…ours was, of course, one of the last keys at the bottom).

Being a verbal processor, it’s been so refreshing to talk things out with Holly and get an “outsider’s perspective” on my experiences here. She has listened to me and supported me as I’ve shared my heart; helping me start the process of preparing myself for the major transition back to America. It’s not going to be easy, and I’ll be writing more soon on that. I’ll need lots of prayers for my final weeks. But the Lord is good in allowing me this time with Holly before I leave.

A Different World

You know you’ve entered another world when…

Your teaching is done under a tree.


You bath outside in a shelter under the stars.

You wake up in the night to a stubborn cow mooing.

Children are waiting to greet you in the middle of nowhere seated on a huge anthill.

Your husband says of you, “Oh she can’t keep up, she’s fat” - meaning it in a totally good way.

Your security system is to use a stick to keep the tin door shut from your mud hut; no one can get past that!
Mother’s threaten their crying babies with the fear that the muzungu will eat them. (this one irritates me!)

Life is lived outside, not in a house. Houses are for sleeping in and having shelter from the rains, nothing more.

Mangoes are growing seriously on the trees and you eat them like apples.

You see a three year old skillfully using a knife to cut the mango.

Church begins at 8 and only at 8 do you slowly start getting ready to leave – and you are the one to start the service!

You use cow dung to clean the floors!

I experienced all of that last week as I took a trip with Mary and another friend, Monique, back to Amuria. This trip was unique from past visits because this was the first time I stayed over night in someone’s home. I loved it. Naturally, life was so different.

Mary and I really wanted to make another visit there before I left. We had arranged with our good friends Sam and Teddy to stay at their home with their six daughters.

My heart has gone out to Sam’s girls ever since I first met them in August. Sam told me the story of his family. Affected by the war, his oldest son was abducted and killed (at 9 years old) and a few years later his wife also died (not due to the war). He was left alone to care for his 6 daughters. He shared his struggle in not only being father but now mother also. His story made me think of my own story – my mother died and my dad left to care for his girls. Although we were older, I know I missed the care my mother would give and subconsciously put that on my father – a role he couldn’t fulfill as well. Ever since hearing that I wanted to give motherly love to these girls.

The youngest girl in particular has captured my heart; we seemed to have an instant bond the first time I met her in August. Being back there, we quickly reconnected. She became my shadow, one that I was more than willing to have! In January Sam remarried to a woman, Teddy, who has won the affection of the whole family. All the girls call her “mom” and she loves them like her own.

In a culture where tender affection is rare in families, Sam’s family goes against the norm. There is love, gentleness, laughter, and healthy discipline. They are a beacon of light in the community around them. Children come to them longing to receive love, hope, care and encouragement; something that is missing within many of their own families. Saturday’s and Sunday’s Sam and Teddy even sacrifice their time to have extra schooling for the children. Being there I was greatly encouraged to see the hand of God meeting the needs of His children through this family. He is restoring hope to this community that for so long has been without it.

I’ve done a lot of processing since coming back. I can’t deny that being there with many of those children tugs at my heart. Here’s a glimpse into my mind…

“My heart is full right now. I’m flooded with emotions and I don’t know how to release what’s there. God is moving in me – I feel it. I’m sitting with many questions for Him.

I have a glimpse of why God has given me experiences that I never imagined I’d have in Uganda. As much as I love Kasana, another part of Uganda has captured my heart and I know it is God who has burdened my heart for his children in Amuria. I went in August with the expectation that I’d be a support to the children at New Hope; growing in relationship with them, see another part of the country and try to love these formal abducted children. I had no idea at the time what God wanted to do through this outreach. Now I long for those children; I long to love them, teach them, encourage them, and point them closer to the Lord in all they’ve suffered. I can’t say I have answers to what they’ve gone through but I want to walk through their suffering with them and love them with the love of Christ. I want to be on their journey to healing. What is the Lord wanting of me? I want to give so much to them and physically walk through life with them, but is that the Lord’s will? Questions. I have questions and I don’t have concrete answers yet.

The past few days I was with them and had to tell them I was going back to the US in less than two months. That was hard because life is uncertain, will I ever see them again? Or is this just goodbye for a time? As I said it, I sensed sadness in some of their faces and I can relate, I don’t want this to be goodbye forever on this earth. These goodbyes really have me thinking of heaven a lot more though. As time is wrapping up for my Uganda experience and I leave with no certainty of returning I eagerly await heaven – a time to be with all these people around the world that God has connected me with in different seasons of my life. We have eternity to be in the midst of the Lord together. That’s something to long for!

I think a lot about coming back and working at Kobwin (the children’s center in Kumi that New Hope is starting for formal abducted children). I’ve even talked to Uncle Jonnes about it to get perspective and pieces to the puzzle of my life seem to be coming together. A huge need for the children going to Kobwin is literacy. The children are so behind. As Uncle Jonnes was explaining that need I was thinking back on my 3 years prior to coming to Uganda – teaching at a Reading First school, where reading was taught basically ALL day. If there is any teaching I feel confident in, it’s teaching a child to read. Was this why God had me teaching there? Again, more questions…

I don’t think I’ll have answers to these questions until I return to the US. I need to step outside of my life here and look at it from a non emotional state of mind. But I trust that in the Lord’s timing all things will be clear. I’ll know the path to walk in without a doubt.”

techno easter

I can not get over how much the Africans love the synthesized keyboard - you know the ones where you hit a button and an automatic beat comes on?! I loved my hand held one back in the late 80's but it's not quite the same when it's used for worship songs. The words to "In Christ Alone" come on the screen followed by a beat you would hear in a dance club. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to the situation.

Happy Easter!

the talk

For those of you who read the previous post I wanted to give the update on how my conversation went with the girls. I had a lot of wise counsel in the situation and therefore felt very prepared and ready to face them. I was incredibly honest telling them things that have hurt me and the ways they had disrespected me. I shared from my heart and emphasized how I’ve longed to be in relationship with them since coming here. I think I expected them to just sit in silence and then walk out when we finished but they stayed around to share their thoughts. Basically there was something said in response to every point I made. To me, they seemed like excuses to cover up for the wrongs done but we have decided to leave those things in the past and move forward together.

I communicated with the family parents before having the conversation and they fully supported what I needed to say. I was very grateful that they were willing to follow up with the girls on the challenges I gave them. God is definitely using this conversation as a stepping stone I believe. When I thanked the parents for their support they responded with an even bigger “THANK YOU”. By starting the tough conversation with the girls, it gave the father opportunity to intervene on specific issues that he needed to address also. I’ve always been able to confront issues with people – even though I freak out about doing it – and I see how God had plans to use that quality in me where I am. It’s hard because I had a picture in my mind of what my relationships with the family would look like before getting here; I had expectations without even realizing it. I thought we would really be able to connect because I know the pains of losing a parent and I believed God was going to use that to build bridges but now I think God had something else in mind. He is showing these girls what healthy relationship looks like, I’m just not sure they’re in a place to receive that teaching yet. The seed has been planted though and I can have hope in that…

My conversation with the girls was only the beginning. Other issues seem to be coming out through this and they are in need of a lot of prayer. Many of the children come here with a lot of baggage from their past. They’ve never dealt with the pain, rejection and abuse they faced at home and in turn, they carry that over into the way they relate to one another in their New Hope Family. It breaks my heart to see how they treat each other. The older ones emotionally abuse the younger ones (probably because of their own wounds), the younger ones are then getting influenced in a negative way. I watch as they emotionally deflate in the presence of the older girls and when I try to call the older girls out on it they make up some story of what they were saying (because they’re speaking Luganda). This family needs to be overtaken by the power of the Holy Spirit. No change is going to happen without it. Pray for wounds to be healed and these children to experience the perfect love of their Heavenly Father!

oh and the "worms" are gone - I never did find out what it was but I'm all good for now.

Queazy

self diagnosis for my queazy stomach - WORMS.

It feels like something is moving in me everytime I eat, I dewormed so we'll pray that takes care of the problem! Oh the joys of living in Africa...

(to those reading who might start to get concerned about my health there's no need - I'm going to be ok!)